A Change of Heart


Alyx Molina, Staff Writer

Please excuse me while I step onto my soapbox in order to talk about myself. At this point in my life, I am the happiest that I have been. I’m in a loving relationship, I have great friends, and I’m mostly secure within myself. Despite this, I still feel like there’s a part of me that is missing. 

Two years ago, I feel like I would have pictured myself being significantly farther along than I currently am. I was so optimistic back then and I actually had the drive to keep myself afloat. If I were to have maintained that mindset throughout the pandemic, I know that my grades would all be A’s and that my college applications would all be completed, but they’re not. The issue is that I loved the drive that I had at that point, but deep down I was terribly unhappy. 

Maybe at this point, I’m growing to recognize that school isn’t everything. A letter grade will not kill me, having a GPA that is slightly under perfect is fine, and that these minor assignments will not haunt me in the future. Maybe I’m growing to realize that there is so much more beyond this small amount of recognition and praise from being what is classified as a “good student”. 

The old me let grades dictate whether or not she should be happy. She let her “Good job!”s and “Great work”s control her life and make her work until she felt almost miserable standing in her own shoes. Rather than actually experiencing high school, she worked until she felt like she couldn’t work anymore.

Present-day me still values school, but she values other things more now. She values her relationships with others, the experiences that she finally gets to have, and her family. She takes the small moment to recognize that life is so much more beyond a letter grade or achieving perfection. On a more specific note, I’m fine. That is the simplest way to put it. I may not necessarily be doing the best on an educational note, but I’m definitely doing great mentally. It’s hard when there are so many things riding on my future, but I am not emotionally nor physically prepared for the future to approach. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, so if anyone out there has felt similarly, you’re not alone. It’s okay to be lost in the moment, unsure of where you are capable of going, I promise. Maybe if things had been different within the past year, then I would be in a completely different place than I currently stand, but there is truly no way to tell. Even though this pandemic has taken away so much from so many people, it has also opened my eyes to seek the reality of life. Seeing how easy it was to lose everything all at once makes me want to cherish every moment significantly more.