My first alarm wakes me up from my deep sleep at 7:15 a.m., and I fall back asleep for 5 glorious minutes until my second alarm goes off at 7:20 a.m. By the time my third alarm goes off at 7:35 a.m. I have a full 5 minutes to drag myself out of bed and head to my computer.  On the off chance that I have 6 minutes, I might grab some breakfast, but frankly, that’s just a luxury. 

As I log into Zoom for my first-period class I rush to turn my camera off; partly because I’m on my phone to keep myself awake, and partly because my eyes are so bloodshot they’d scare the entire class. Instead of paying attention in class, my number one priority is to check social media and send Snapchat streaks. Every so often I glance at the Zoom screen to make sure I’m still muted and not in a breakout room.

On the off chance that I find myself in a breakout room, I debate whether I should break the awkward silence and say something that indicates I’ve been paying attention. I decide to say something along the lines of “Hey guys, how are you doing?” and immediately regret my decision as no one responds and the breakout room countdown begins. My anxiety increases as the participants change from 4 to 5 and I realize that my teacher has joined the breakout room. He calls on me by name to tell him what we were working on. I run through multiple scenarios in my mind and finally pick the most reasonable one. I decide to do my good deed for the day and cover for my group members. My teacher easily sees through the lie but sighs and accepts it anyway. It seems we’ve all given up. The next two periods are just a copy and paste of the period before and my morning continues to drag on.

When the time on my laptop changes from 11:55 to 11:56,  I jump with joy – wait, who am I kidding, I don’t have the energy. Instead, I slowly lift myself off my chair in search of Top Ramen and Hot Pockets – or anything that can be ready instantly. Barely awake, even though I technically got out of bed 4 and ½ hours ago, I think I hear someone ask how my day is going but I can’t remember and let out only a grunt in response. I drag my feet back to bed and lay down, my body and mind screaming for me to sleep, but the stress from my workload keeps me awake. As I lie in bed with existential dread, I let out a deep sigh and mentally picture my to-do list:

1.Catch up on missing work

2.Email my teacher

3.Complete today’s laundry list of assignments

4.Ask for letters of recommendation

5.Go to work

6.Continue to work on college applications – UGH

Number 6 on my to-do list is always on the backburner. Assignments are usually due within a day or two so they become my first priority. I reluctantly get out of bed and pause to rub my eyes; the optometrist has told me that my once 20/20 vision is now in jeopardy if I don’t give my eyes a rest. My eyesight has gotten worse, and there are days when tears randomly form in the corner of my eyes but whether they’re from eye strain or the overwhelming stress and anxiety, we’ll never know.

Before starting on all my assignments, I reach out to my friends hoping that they will help me procrastinate. We talk about how senioritis is hitting us like a truck and then sulk because we realize that we won’t get a single senior activity. No rallies, no prom, no Grad Nite, no football games, no grabbing lunch with friends; what is there to look forward to?  I mean, we can’t even have a ditch day because we’re already home. What’s the point in that? Even in class, we have little opportunity to socialize with friends because the periods are short and teachers use all the time for instruction or only leave Zoom on for 10 minutes and then leave.

Satire aside – because you know what I wrote above was a joke – okay okay, most of it at least.  So, satire aside – not even the idea of going back to school in person motivates me to engage in my classes and learn the same way I did before the pandemic. With the new hybrid schedule, I’m not even sure I want to go back to school. If I had a choice between attending school once a week or continuing online school, I’d rather just stay at home. It just makes more sense for everyone involved. Consider the poor teachers: they have to wake up early and teach students they only see about twice a month, just to return home and teach even more faceless names. 

Even over just the past few months, it seems that the rules and regulations have changed so much.  You know in spring the same thing is going to happen – it will be on again, off again all semester.  The rules about cohorts, and start dates, and schedules, and student parking fees become overwhelming to understand and I lose the motivation to continue. Bottom line: I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have to choose between piling more stress on myself or taking care of myself physically and mentally, but potentially putting my future on the line. I imagine teachers are facing similar dilemmas themselves.

We know this article comes off as pessimistic and even ungrateful or lazy. But this is the honest reality of a high school senior in the COVID-19 pandemic. We aren’t blaming a specific person for our struggles – hey, I know if I spent less time on social media I’d have more time for my work, but it’s important to consider students’ physical and mental health as we go through online school and quarantine. This is new and novel to students, parents, and educators alike. I mean, isn’t that why they named it the Novel Corona-Virus?

As second semester looms on the horizon, we hope students, parents, and educators can stop blaming each other and collaborate to create a less stressful environment for everyone and end our senior year on a high note. Collaboration is a 21st-century skill.  Let’s put it to good use.