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The Truth About The Gay Agenda

Lauren Bulanek, Staff Writer

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Disclaimer – This article is satire.
Anyone truly aware of the puppet masters of society has heard pieces of the truth, but no one knows the whole picture. After spending years infiltrating the LGBTQ+ community, moving up in the ranks, and becoming president of the Gender Sexuality Alliance, I am here to reveal the whole truth. I often have to come out, but now I am coming out with the truth. Move over, Illuminati, the real manipulators of society is here.
John MacArthur is right. The Gay Agenda is at the heart of every religious scandal, political corruption, radical legislation, and even the redefinition of marriage. We are even turning the “frickin’ frogs gay!” Homosexuality is at the roots of all evil in the world. The seven deadly sins are clearly all caused by homosexuality. After all, their funeral march is called “pride”. The reason for the marches and Stonewall was obviously just a catalyst for all gay activity in America. It had nothing to do with the laws in New York that made homosexual relations illegal. It had nothing to do with the fact that people could be arrested for wearing less than three gender appropriate articles of clothing. It had nothing to do with the fact that businesses could be shut down because gay men were socializing there. It had nothing to do with the fact that giving LGBT characters a happy ending in stories was illegal. You know what it really was about? The mafia, since they owned LGBT clubs and bars that were used as safe havens. Obviously, the mafia was used as a vehicle to spread the gay take-over.
Since Stonewall, we have been taking over the world. We are forcing Americans to assimilate into our culture, as the primary goal of the Gay Agenda clearly states. After all, it’s not like we would know what it is like to be forced into assimilating to a culture we don’t identify with, so why shouldn’t we make American gay again?
We are changing every aspect of the American lifestyle, little by little. Have you ever wondered why we sit in/on anything other than chairs? It is because it is a part of the gay agenda. Why sit in a chair when you can sit on the ground and be closer to the hell you’re told you’re going to?
The health craze is also part of the gay agenda. By promoting healthy behavior, such as drinking water, we are getting unsuspecting Americans to drink the water that we use to make people gay. Forget fluoride being in the drinking water, gay is in there too thanks to us. But don’t worry, you might be safe. After all, we only want the best to join our gay crusade. The gay in the water doesn’t turn a person gay, it only activates their dormant gay gene. Really, we just make people realize they’re gay. That is also one of the reasons gay people are so attractive, we want to make you realize you’re gay. We took “flaming homosexuals” from a death threat to a way to evaluate our looks.
If you are a “nice guy” that is wondering why you don’t have a girlfriend, I have the answer. I am the answer. One word – lesbians. It is not because you aren’t as nice as you think you are, or because she just isn’t attracted to you, it’s because lesbians make her question her sexuality. It is all part of the gay agenda. It is not that she doesn’t like you, it is just that she is too busy questioning her sexuality to be with you. As a lesbian, it is my goal to steal your potential girlfriend or even your current one. It wouldn’t be the first time I did something like that, just ask Hayden.
It is even part of the gay agenda to infiltrate the heart of the resistance, the South. We use words like “Y’all” to rub our dirty, little hands all over your culture and make it our own. By the time we finish our agenda, whenever someone calls anything “gay”, it truly will be. Why else would lesbians wear flannels?
If you are reading this and fear is filling you, don’t be afraid. As mass resistance stated, we feed on fears away. You can try to speak out, but be aware, we have infiltrated every aspect of society. Not because we want to live a normal life, but because we want to complete the Gay Agenda. You can try to resist, but if you do they might get to you like they got to me. Or, to make matters worse, we might just turn your partner, spouse, child, or even your pet gay.
The next time you hear someone say, “that’s gay”, you know why. If you ever have any life questions, look no further. All you need to know is that it is part of the Gay Agenda. I could go on, but I must stop before I have my gay card revoked. How else would I get into our secret meetings?

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The Truth About The Gay Agenda