The Constant Desire To Be Home.

The+Constant+Desire+To+Be+Home.

Jocelynn Veliz, OP/ED Editor

Some say that the time spent inside quarantine helped them realize that they’d rather be out than home, while the rest realized that their home is their safe space. Coming in tune with my desire to be home has drastically changed the way I spend my free time along with my mental health. Instead of dreading going home because I don’t want to leave my friends, I dread not going to my house right after school.  Mentally, it is draining not always enjoying being out because all you can think about is going home and being in the comfort of our own home. While discovering this part of myself, senior year has been harder than expected, only to deepen with the realization that college is around the corner. 

I always looked forward to going to all the football games and all the parties and homecoming but being the person I grew to become, the homebody I am is overshadowing the extrovert in me. While being a homebody enforces that feeling of safety, the thought of being left out or being a bad friend is in repetition as well; In addition to having to create a new safe space in less than a year. Of course, it is exciting to think about living independently and being your own person in a new community, the thought of finding a safe environment from scratch is terrifying.

The process of stepping into this new part of me has taught me to find ways to find a home within myself as well. 

I find that loneliness has played a big role in my comfortableness with being a homebody. I went from being on my phone and talking to people 24/7 to barely getting any notifications. Of course, I hid in a shell of sadness for some point in time but soon enough I began to find a home within myself while being in the comfort of my home. But not wanting to miss fun instilled some sort of motivation in me to actually leave my comfort zone. I became inspired by seeing YouTubers like, Emma Chamberlain, record herself enjoying time with, herself. Soon enough, I would sometimes wake up with the feeling of wanting to step out of my front door. I’m still in the process of finding balance with school, friends, and work while fulfilling my desire of being home. But by setting boundaries with myself I began to prioritize myself. Leading to more time at home.  And slowly, I started hanging out with myself, finding enjoyment in my own silence. Then once I realized that I am also a part of the home I feel at peace in, hanging out with friends and social events got a bit easier. 

Being a homebody isn’t a bad thing at all, if anything it’s one of my favorite parts of myself. As the older I grow older by the millisecond I realize that I need to step out of my comfort zone to create flexibility within myself. For other homebodies, remember that your bed, your privacy, your silence is awaiting your arrival. Hoping to engulf a content you in their comfort. Get out of your shell as slow as you’d like and shrink back in when you need to.

 

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