Jennette McCurdy’s memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, was the catalyst in 2022 for child stars to speak up about their narratives, which became a major inspiration for the Emmy-nominated docuseries Quiet On Set: The Dark Side Of Kids TV.

With McCurdy’s honesty that defined her memoir, her debut work of fiction, Half His Age, sets the premise for the discussion of power imbalances and sexual abuse.

McCurdy spoke to Dazed Magazine about the novel and how it blurred with her own reality. “I was in a significant age gap relationship- I definitely found some closure.” She was 18 when she dated script manager Paul Glaser; this relationship was a major inspiration for this novel, and many find it a fictionalized autobiography, given the many correlations between her personal life and the novel.

McCurdy’s writing style immediately grabbed my attention upon reading. It sounds exactly like how a 17-year-old my age would sound and express their emotions. We get to know Waldo (our protagonist), who lives in Anchorage, Alaska, and lives with Pam (her mother). She navigates the complexities of consumerism, her abuse, and the complex relationship with her mother, who isn’t present.

The novel begins with a memory from her childhood, when she was seven, when her mother told her she was hard to love. Words no child should hear, let alone be engraved in their head for the rest of their life.
They later discuss it at the grocery store on their weekly shopping trip for processed foods.

“You heard me wrong.” – Pam
“I dunno, those don’t seem like easy words to mishear.” – Waldo
“Well, just because they’re not easy words to mishear doesn’t mean you didn’t mishear ‘em.” – Pam
“Sorry,” – Waldo
“It’s alright. But just know I never said that. Maybe I said you were a lot. Because you are. You need a lot, and you are a lot. That’s me being honest, not mean. But never would I ever say you’re hard to love.” – Pam

The dialogue between Waldo and Pam describes their dynamic as a whole, as her mother changes her words in a never-ending whirl for Waldo.

The way Waldo “needs a lot” is an accurate representation of the way Waldo perceives love; it’s all she ever understands.

“And afterward, they re-buckle their pants, and I re-clasp my bra and accept in the awkward silence the itchy fact that I settled for pleasure when I wanted connection, an itchy fact that I refuse to scratch by saying it out loud, so instead we go and get ice cream.”

Her depiction of teenagers mistaking lust for love in the modern world we live in perfectly encapsulates dating culture. When she references “they,” she means the boys her age she’s tried to connect with, and this is how she ends up with her fixation on Mr. Corgi, her 40-year-old creative writing teacher.

“His so-called unattractive features that I’m so attracted to. It’s excruciating. Intoxicating. Inevitable. This kind of attraction. The kind that already knows I’m gonna be with him, it just doesn’t know how.”

  
When she saw him on her first day of class, she became enamored of him, not just physically, but for who he is mentally. A person who is “honest about his regrets, his status, and shortcomings”. She found someone who could see her for who she is, and with whom she could be vulnerable, someone who could finally understand her. Someone who was twice her age.

McCurdy’s novel is a groundbreaking piece of fiction that has received mixed reviews, but I saw it for what it was. A story about a girl who wanted a connection with a figure who was supposed to protect her; she just wanted to find a connection where she wasn’t told “she needed a lot”.

If you are experiencing sexual abuse, please call 1-800–656-4673 (A 24 hour hotline).